Conversations

Time consuming conversations have a tendency to follow me where ever I go. And i'm not disciplined enough to sit by myself when i need to get things done. The problem is that even by myself, i can get caught up in 3 page emails about issues that may seem so superficial, but as a girl, I can make them into deep complex philosophical topics. Maybe I should have done psychology? My problem in some senses is that when I'm the quietest, I'm thinking the most. And it's dangerous for me, because the storm that follows the calm is a mess. I just can't stop writing when I do start. Why can't I do that on a law school exam? on the exam I always undercut myself, writing what would take another 3 pages, in one page. And subsequently getting comments such as "elaborate"; "i'm not supposed to know what you're thinking". The usually comments I've gotten on papers since High school.

But to take not so developed views about a situation, and put those down into words, it's something i'm working on. I know lawyering is all about writing with clarity and efficiency, and I guess I can take my 3 page emails as a learning experience as well. To take a sensitive issue, and make it cater to your audience, have some logic to it's flow, but yet carry all of the emotion you have bottled up inside? that takes skills that I dont have yet. hopefully they'll understand what i mean. That's all I really want, and I can't fathom sometimes why others may subconsciously avoid initiating the dialogue that it takes to keep life moving forward.

But then I realize that it was only because a friend of mine in college, that I really began to understand the need to talk to others. I won't deny, I used to think staying bottled up was the best way to smooth over an issue. Smile, move on. But then J actually showed me the difference it makes to just be honest, if not blunt about things. Depending on the situation, blunt may mean different things. Amongst close friends, it can be as simple as, "grow up", but in a diplomatic situation, you would say, "advancement is good for society". I dont know if that translates, probably not :-)

I've maintained some worthwhile people in my life by just being up front about things. And even has pseudo peace talks to facilitate world piece. I try to keep life simple.

I wouldn't bother saying it if I didn't think you were worth it.